Anti-magnets :
A collection of poems about distance
Beauty
(only from a distance)
I am used to beauty from a distance,
Airy, weightless,
Non-commital glances at a cloudy sky,
I like my beauty at a distance,
Sunlight swallowed, broken by
Thick windows, a train speeding away.
I don’t want to feel its sublime
Waves of heat on too thin skin,
Volatile intrusion of my being,
Inevitable loss of control,
I am not used to restless anticipation,
I don’t want intoxication.
I yearn for beauty, from a distance.
Seeking sense
(after distance)
A night out playing poker.
I saw a girl that looked (at me?) like you – brown –
A colder version of your eyes.
A night out playing games of
Chance and courage, it seemed simple
When I didn’t know your eyes – walnut –
In every dark room you made yours.
You would freely follow the way I could
Only dance with my eyes closed and love
The way I couldn’t look directly at your face.
Fear of your eyes - hazel - with the power to light up skin,
Like tattoo needles, tracing invisible lines,
Infinite possibilities of connection.
A promise of butterscotch and the sun.
A promise to look at you and dance with you,
Without my eyes closed.
But I was frightened I might see those eyes -grey –
Having stopped looking.
Had I turned (you kept blinking), maybe I‘ noticed.
I saw that girl and I saw you again, turning away.
I looked.
But her eyes were merely brown.
I finally face the possibility that yours were too.
Push or pull
(magnetic distance)
I remind myself to push my feet into the floor
Feel it through the thick sole of my boots
The same Doc's you used to wear
Yours had roses on them though
Their thorns were for protection
I think mine may have anti-magnets in them now.
Maybe (without me) you are ready for connection.
At least I feel my feet on the floor,
I remind myself to breathe - but not too deeply -
I need to feel my feet connected to this floor
And not think about the air that connects us all
And would pull me away and then up, where
I'd be at the perfect hight to fall,
I'd blame myself for breathing
only for the rush I feel
only at this distance,
Where I think about letting you pull
me in again, hoping I can push
you - only to realise it doesn't work
If I push and you pull.