Fagan Laura

out the window

out the window  

I used to look out the window

from my English class

and see the outside world

and think of all the ways I could leave school

until one day I just didn’t show up

because I wasn’t well enough to go to school

and see the outside world

except when I stood on the chair on my tiptoes

and my eyes peered over my window

waiting for someone to walk by

and maybe wave

and then I went back but

it was only down the corridor

and it was only fractions and French but

it was better than nothing

and all the teachers said it looked promising

“they have to let you go back to school” they said

so I sat and I watched and I waited

while everyone else left

and came back

telling their stories and talking about their friends

and their long journey there

mine was only down the corridor

but in December I walked back, and it couldn’t have been any longer

after I had stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours

with the marks from the table corners that he dug into my palms

and every time I walked past that door, I remembered that room he locked me in

(that had four chairs but barely sat 3 people)

and how the hands of the clock wall wouldn’t move



and how I couldn’t scrub my skin hard enough in the shower while they watched and laughed

and then it didn’t look as promising anymore

because how could I go back to school now that I was unwell


it had only been 6 months

but at 14 I learnt more there than I ever will in a classroom

and I still look out from the window sometimes

to see the outside world from my English class

but now my feet stand firmly on the floor

a part of me is locked inside that room forever

but now I can raise my hand whenever I want to leave.

Envoyé: 18:17 Tue, 16 January 2024 by : Fagan Laura age : 19